HDTV Show Review
Swanni's HDTV Oscars!
Who looked better -- or worse -- at last night's awards show?
By Phillip Swann

Washington, D.C. (March 6, 2006) -- Hollywood last night handed out its annual Oscar awards for the best performance in cinema. However, how did the best performers look in the crystal-clear HDTV broadcast of the show?

Here are Swanni's 2006 HDTV Oscars!

Worse in HDTV

Keira Knightly
The 21-year-old star of Pride and Prejudice is very cute, but she looked like she had the measles last night. Her forehead was covered with tiny pimples, which could only be seen in the high-def broadcast. And Keira, cut down on the eyeliner. If you hang around in the U.S. with those eyes, Vice President Dick Cheney might mistake you for a raccoon while he's hunting.

Worse in HDTV
 
Philip Seymour Hoffman
When developing a new character, some thespians say it's important to go with their gut. If that's the case, Philip Seymour Hoffman might become the best actor of all time, instead of simply the Best Actor of the Year. What a gut!  Capote didn't sweep the awards, but Hoffman's  belly was so far over his belt last night that I thought it would sweep the floor. After Capote, I have a new character for Hoffman to play: Homer Simpson!

Worse in HDTV

Keanu Reeves
The star of Speed is getting old fast. His face is puffy and his eyes are closing faster than a U.S. post office  employee ready to go on vacation. He's no longer HDTV-friendly.

Worse In HDTV
Dolly Parton
The singer starred in The Best Little Whorehouse, but she looks like she could get a job in one now. In addition to her ample cleavage, her lips are fatter than, well, Philip Seymour Hoffman's gut!

Worse In HDTV

Tim Burton
The director of the Corpse Bride looks like a corpse himself. And how about that hair? After washing it (assuming he actually does), he doesn't plug in a dryer; he plugs in himself. His next horror film should be a documentary about him in high-def!

Worse in HDTV
Morgan Freeman
The star of Nurse Betty could use a dentist. His teeth are going in more directions than our policy in Iraq.

Worse in HDTV
Paul Giamatti
The Sidekicks star gets the award for Worst Comb-Over. That small strand of hair covering his forehead makes it look like he's wearing a Yarmulke on the top of his head.

Worse In HDTV
Jennifer Lopez
J Lo looked like someone tossed a bucket of water on her before she went out for her presentation. I haven't seen someone sweat so much since Mike Brown testified before Congress.
 

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Read: Swanni's 'Laughing at the Stars!'
The week's dumbest celebrity moments.

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Better in HDTV
  
Nicole Kidman
She's gorgeous in high-def, but her lips are the only thing on her face that move. You can't tell me that she's not getting the needle. She looks like a character from that old 1960s cartoon, Clutch Cargo (pictured above). In the show, a character's' lips moved because they were human, but the rest of the face didn't because it was animated. That's Nicole.

Better in HDTV
Jessica Alba
What a babe! She has gorgeous skin, beautiful plush lips and sexy brown eyes.

Better in HDTV

Charlize Theron
She just glistens in high-def. What a beauty. She got an Oscar nomination (North Country) for playing someone who's treated as a sexual object. I bet she didn't have to do any research for that part.

Better in HDTV
Terrence Howard
A star is born. Howard is even more charismatic in high-def.

Better in HDTV

Owen Wilson
His beach boy good looks hold up in high-def, but what's up with his nose? It looks like someone squeezed it too hard.

© TVPredictions.com

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Phillip Swann is president and publisher of TVPredictions.com. He has been quoted in dozens of publications and broadcast outlets, including CNN, Fox News, Inside Edition, The New York Times, The Washington Post, The Chicago Tribune, The Financial Times, The Associated Press and The Hollywood Reporter. He can be reached at swann@tvpredictions.com or at 703-505-3064.

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