By Phillip Swann

Washington, D.C. (August 6, 2006) -- Howard Stern is known as a 'shock jock,' but his new weekly TV show is a shock for the eyes in High-Definition TV.

Howard TV, which airs Fridays at 11 p.m. (ET) on the high-def cable network INHD, is arguably the greatest display of flawed faces since Tod Browning's 1932 film, Freaks.

The 30-minute program (filmed excerpts of Stern's Sirius radio show) is billed as a 'sneak peek' at Stern's pay programming block available on cable's On Demand service. However, this viewer wanted to stop "peeking" and start "sneaking" out of the room about five minutes into the show.

In crystal-clear HD, Stern's face is more shriveled than David Blaine's hands; his neck has more lines than his writers have in their heads these days; and that mop of wooly black hair that envelopes his face looks like something that came out of that mysterious well in The Ring.


Howard Stern on Howard TV

In total, Stern looks a little like Cher -- that is, if you saw Cher two minutes after she first woke up in the morning.

Howard recently underwent plastic surgery to try to improve his oft self-maligned appearance, but he might want to consider filing a malpractice suit. This is the worst abuse of a surgical scalpel since Jack the Ripper roamed the streets of London.


Is that Cher with glasses?

Stern's hard-to-stomach countenance would be less concerning if the show was not overflowing with other examples of how HDTV's candid pictures can be cruel to the common man.

The program opens with a frightening close-up of Stern's longtime producer, Gary Dell'Abate, better known as "Baba Booey." For some inexplicable reason, Dell'Abate is shot at an angle below his chin. It looks like the camera is going to go up his nose and recreate a scene from Fantastic Voyage. But Dell'Abate's nose is a place that even the most dedicated scientist would hesitate to explore.

The extreme close-up of Dell'Abate also serves to emphasize the producer's enormously large teeth, which is a regular topic on the show. I hope Gary deducts his toothpaste costs because, God knows, he must spend thousands every month cleaning those choppers.


Gary Dell'Abate, Howard's longtime producer.

Then later in the program, we are introduced to writer Artie Lange who always looks like he just came from auditioning for the lead role in The John Belushi Story. What a slob! Artie,

nitwits and miscreants, such as Beetlejuice, a 4-foot, 3-inch man who has a very small head and a very few teeth. How can they show this guy in high-def?! Where's the FCC when you need them?!

 

Phillip Swann is president and publisher of TVPredictions.com. He has been quoted in dozens of publications and broadcast outlets, including CNN, Fox News, Inside Edition, The New York Times, The Washington Post, The Chicago Tribune, The Financial Times, The Associated Press and The Hollywood Reporter. He can be reached at swann@tvpredictions.com or at 703-505-3064.

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