Washington, D.C.
(February 26, 2007)
-- Last night's 79th annual Academy Awards was broadcast
on ABC in beautiful High-Definition TV.
But, as everyone now knows, not everyone is beautiful in High-Definition TV.
Yes, high-def's picture is so clear -- so life-like -- that you can see every facial imperfection; every wrinkle; every tug of the plastic surgeon's knife. As a result, many TV celebrities come off looking worse (or better) in HDTV than you might think.
So with that in mind, here is our annual:
Swanni's...
HDTV Best & Worst at the Oscars!
Worse
John Travolta
In HD, you could see where his toupee begins and ends. (I'm not kidding.) Come on, John, real hair doesn't look like that -- and in high-def -- it's sooooo obvious. Travolta will star later this year in a movie called Hairspray. Hairspray, right. Talk about your Pulp Fiction.
Worse
Al Gore
Gore snagged an Oscar for his global warming doc, An Inconvenient Truth. But here's an inconvenient truth, Al. You're fat!
What's going on with this guy? It looks like he's been hiding out at McDonald's for the last six years.
I heard a cable TV commentator today say the Oscar has made him larger than life. But he's actually become larger than his suit!
I heard another pundit say Gore doesn't have the stomach for another run for the White House. Hell, he's got enough stomach for three runs!
Worse
Cameron Diaz
The poor girl has a terrible acne problem, still at her rapidly advancing age. In high-def, her cheeks are so red they look like they're on fire. And, Cam, the brown hair is not cutting it. Well, actually, you should cut it -- off.
Better
Jennifer Lopez
In high-def, J Lo showed last night that she has more than a booty. In fact, in that sheer white dress, I'm surprised she didn't get a traffic ticket for excessive use of high beams.
The show's announcer last night actually said Jen was a good reason for getting a High-Definition TV when she was introduced as a presenter. He must have seen that dress in high-def before she walked out.
Better
Reese Witherspoon
Cute doesn't get cuter than Reese. In HD, the newly singleton's skin looks moist and soft -- and the low-cut gown last night probably gave a few onlookers whiplash.
But, as everyone now knows, not everyone is beautiful in High-Definition TV.
Yes, high-def's picture is so clear -- so life-like -- that you can see every facial imperfection; every wrinkle; every tug of the plastic surgeon's knife. As a result, many TV celebrities come off looking worse (or better) in HDTV than you might think.
So with that in mind, here is our annual:
Swanni's...
HDTV Best & Worst at the Oscars!
Worse
John Travolta
In HD, you could see where his toupee begins and ends. (I'm not kidding.) Come on, John, real hair doesn't look like that -- and in high-def -- it's sooooo obvious. Travolta will star later this year in a movie called Hairspray. Hairspray, right. Talk about your Pulp Fiction.
Worse
Al Gore
Gore snagged an Oscar for his global warming doc, An Inconvenient Truth. But here's an inconvenient truth, Al. You're fat!
What's going on with this guy? It looks like he's been hiding out at McDonald's for the last six years.
I heard a cable TV commentator today say the Oscar has made him larger than life. But he's actually become larger than his suit!
I heard another pundit say Gore doesn't have the stomach for another run for the White House. Hell, he's got enough stomach for three runs!
Worse
Cameron Diaz
The poor girl has a terrible acne problem, still at her rapidly advancing age. In high-def, her cheeks are so red they look like they're on fire. And, Cam, the brown hair is not cutting it. Well, actually, you should cut it -- off.
Better
Jennifer Lopez
In high-def, J Lo showed last night that she has more than a booty. In fact, in that sheer white dress, I'm surprised she didn't get a traffic ticket for excessive use of high beams.
The show's announcer last night actually said Jen was a good reason for getting a High-Definition TV when she was introduced as a presenter. He must have seen that dress in high-def before she walked out.
Better
Reese Witherspoon
Cute doesn't get cuter than Reese. In HD, the newly singleton's skin looks moist and soft -- and the low-cut gown last night probably gave a few onlookers whiplash.
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Worse
Celine Dion
Celine is so skinny that she's a human coat rack! Her torso is the exact same size as her hips and legs! The Canadian songstress warbled a tribute song to the musical composer for The Untouchables. But I think The Untouchables is what Celine calls food products.
Better
Greg Kinnear
The Dan Quayle of Hollywood! In high-def, Kinnear looks healthy, tan and fit -- and like he doesn't have a care in the world. It's hard to believe he will be 44 years old this June.
Worse
Jack Nicholson
With the shaved head, Jack looks a little like Vice President Cheney without the glasses. Real glasses, that is. Not the always-on sun specs, of course.
Worse
Kate Winslet
In high-def, the Titanic star reminds me of that famous line from Austin Powers: "It's a man, baby!" The older Kate gets, the more masculine she looks. And, in up-close HDTV, it doesn't look like she takes care of herself. Her skin is blotchy and ruddy.
Better
Jennifer Hudson
When Jennifer came on the stage to sing a Dreamgirls tune, I thought it would wake up FCC Chairman Kevin Martin. Her shimmering red dress was cut so low that it would make a baby cry. But the Dream Girl looked like a dream -- and so did her singing partner, Beyonce.
Click TVPredictions.com to see today's Swanni Sez.
© TVPredictions.com
____________________________________________
____________________________________________
Worse
Celine Dion
Celine is so skinny that she's a human coat rack! Her torso is the exact same size as her hips and legs! The Canadian songstress warbled a tribute song to the musical composer for The Untouchables. But I think The Untouchables is what Celine calls food products.
Better
Greg Kinnear
The Dan Quayle of Hollywood! In high-def, Kinnear looks healthy, tan and fit -- and like he doesn't have a care in the world. It's hard to believe he will be 44 years old this June.
Worse
Jack Nicholson
With the shaved head, Jack looks a little like Vice President Cheney without the glasses. Real glasses, that is. Not the always-on sun specs, of course.
Worse
Kate Winslet
In high-def, the Titanic star reminds me of that famous line from Austin Powers: "It's a man, baby!" The older Kate gets, the more masculine she looks. And, in up-close HDTV, it doesn't look like she takes care of herself. Her skin is blotchy and ruddy.
Better
Jennifer Hudson
When Jennifer came on the stage to sing a Dreamgirls tune, I thought it would wake up FCC Chairman Kevin Martin. Her shimmering red dress was cut so low that it would make a baby cry. But the Dream Girl looked like a dream -- and so did her singing partner, Beyonce.
Click TVPredictions.com to see today's Swanni Sez.
© TVPredictions.com
____________________________________________
Phillip Swann is president and publisher of
TVPredictions.com. He has been quoted in dozens of
publications and broadcast outlets, including CNN,
Fox News, Inside Edition, The New York Times, The
Washington Post, The Chicago Tribune, The Financial
Times, The Associated Press and The Hollywood
Reporter. He can be reached at
swann@tvpredictions.com
or at 703-505-3064.
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